In the last couple of weeks our small community has seen two deaths of our young people. Two boys ages 15 and 17 decided that they no longer had a place in this world and decided to commit suicide. The year before a young teenage girl decided to leave this world as well. I didn’t know any of these young people but if I did I would like to have said the following to them. Maybe my words may stop anyone else that may decide to follow in these people’s footsteps.

It is hard being a teen. I was there and had some of the same feelings you have felt. I didn’t want to be part of this world either. I didn’t see a better future.

I found myself at 16, by no fault of my own, living on my own. I had to do everything for myself. I cooked, clean, grocery shopped, clothes washing etc. It would have been so easy to quit school. My older sister had quit school and eventually my younger brother. I had to make the decision to finish high school, to set the goal. I knew that would be the basic need if I wanted any kind of job.

Day after day I had to get myself up and take the bus to school and do my homework in order to pass. I had to contend with a teacher that bullied me. I had to be in a school where I didn’t have any close friends. You see my mother had recently married and moved us from British Columbia where I had close friends to Saskatchewan where I didn’t. (Consequently I never had the urge to attend any graduating ceremonies)

We didn’t have internet so we didn’t have the cyber bullying that happens now. For that I am grateful. I did have a diary which was read by my step sister’s boyfriend which I am sure was spread all around the school. This was prior to being on my own so I was able to eventually put that out of my mind.

You might think that living on your own would be good. I didn’t have to put up with parents. This is true. I didn’t have to answer to anyone. I came and went as I pleased. Sounds good but in reality I had to face some things I would rather not have faced but that is for a different post.

I may have liked to have gone to University or Technical school but that was not an option when living on your own and any money that was earned was used for living expenses. My mother did pay for my rent until I finished school but after I was on my own and any money coming in again was spent on living expenses. Not living at home didn’t allow me the luxury of any savings.

The irony was that I got a summer job after I finished high school at the University in the Agricultural Research Centre. One of the glaring things I noticed when I was out of school was that adults talked to me differently. They treated me like, well, another adult. They didn’t talk down to me. It was good.

I eventually moved back to British Columbia as I didn’t feel Saskatchewan was my home. I eventually went to night school and took Accounting. I found after a year at this I really couldn’t see myself doing that so I quit that. I really wanted to be a photographer but everything I read, (remember no internet or YouTube videos to learn was invented yet), said that if you wanted to make money at it you would have to be exceptionally good. These were the days of film photography. I took it in high school and I absolutely loved it. But I have never been exceptional at anything so I thought I would be better off not pursuing that as a career but as a hobby. When digital photography came out it was an answer to my prayers. This is where I find my escape when things get rough.

Find something that you like no matter, like me, the prospects seemed bleak. If you like sports, do that. If you like Music, Arts, Dance, Writing or anything else do that. Find your escape and immerse yourself. Use it to escape the anguish going on in your head.

I want to tell you that life gets better after the teen years. It is hard to deal with the things that get thrown at you and then of course there is the hormones that take over your body. There is bullying done by fellow students and yes the teachers. Don’t allow that to define you. If I decided to take my life at 16 I would never have met my husband or my children. I would never be able to meet the people I have met. I would never have been able to see different parts of the world that I have seen such as England, Scotland, France, Australia, USA and all through Canada. You don’t know what lies ahead for you. You may be able to do wonderful things and meet wonderful people. You may mean the world to someone someday.

If you are having difficulty with your friends find someone that may not have friends and become their friend instead. If you are having difficulty with a teacher speak to a school counsellor, they will help. If you are having difficulty with parents speak to the same school counsellor or try to stick it out. I promise you it gets better after high school. If you are able to take some post secondary education, then please do.

I told my kids this and I will give this secret to you too. Soak your parents for as much as they are wiling to give you. Let them pay for your education. Work a summer job and save as much as you can. Even if it is just $20/month. Make a promise to yourself that you will always put that much away every month before you spend it on any thing else. And don’t touch it. Eventually you will have savings for things you may find yourself wanting. Like travelling or maybe putting towards your own house. If you find after school, you can’t live at home due to personality conflicts with parents or siblings then move. Another province if need be.

Now it hasn’t always been a bed of roses after high school as I had different struggles along the way, but those struggles, no matter how bad they got were just a moment in time and it gets better. Just as high school and the teen years is just a blip in your life so is any difficulties that come around. Hang in there. I promise you it gets better. Seek out that counsellor or call that Kids Help Line. It isn’t admitting defeat. On the contrary it is saying you are strong but you are tired of dealing with the burdens alone that you have had for so long.

Suicide is so final. Sui-decidal. It is a decision that cuts off any life that will be better. I promise it will be better.

I leave you with this song and it’s lyrics.